I chaperoned a kindergarten class field trip to a pumpkin patch, and let me just say, I haven’t had a drink in 16 years, but I wanted a drink today. I wanted one real bad.

Listen, I love my daughter but other people’s kids are a bit much. This trip left me with incredible respect for people who work with young children all day. I only had five in my group and they listened about as well as goldfishes. The whole time I was afraid I’d lose one in the cornfield, they’d never be found, and ultimately end up as the premise for a Stephen King novel.

I was only with the children for about four hours, but if I had four hours left to live I’d have spent them on that field trip because it felt like an eternity.

Between the mud at the pumpkin patch and the smell on the bus that I couldn’t quite identify but was probably a virus and that one wild little boy who is either destined to be a groundbreaking artist or an inmate, I ended the afternoon with a long, hot soak in the bath, TOO many cookies, and a handful of Tylenol.

In contrast, my daughter’s teacher successfully orchestrated the children changing their shoes twice: once before getting off the bus and once before getting back on. This was to prevent the children from getting mud on the bus, but I’m pretty sure if she listed this act on her resume she’d be as respected as any military general. I mean, wow! No child lost a shoe and she smiled the WHOLE TIME!

I’ve said this before, but if my life ever depended on my own children finding their shoes I’d be dead, so for her to pull off this shoe swap with 20-something 5- and 6-year-olds places her on par with Batman.

If you are a teacher reading this, give yourself a huge pat on the back. You are incredible. And if you know a teacher, give him or her a huge thank you.

And if anyone needs need me, I’ll be right back. I’m heading to the store for more cookies and maybe some ice cream to keep from having that drink.

This post originally appeared on No Idea What I’m Doing: A Daddy Blog. You can read more from Clint in his book, Silence is a Scary Sound: And Other Stories on Living Through the Terrible Twos and Threes. This recommendation is an affiliate link, so we may earn a small commission should you decide to purchase it. If we’re sharing it, it’s because we think it’s great!

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Clint Edwards

Clint Edwards is the author of the hilarious books on parenting Silence Is A Scary Sound and I'm Sorry… Love, Your Husband. He also manages the popular parenting blog No Idea What I’m Doing. He lives in Oregon. Follow him on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.