My wife and I don’t spend a great deal of time together anymore, so when she suggested we go out for dinner and drinks the other night, I was pretty excited.

The dinner itself was merely adequate, but the company and the conversation were wonderful. It was a nice reminder that after 30 years together as a couple, we still are really good friends that enjoy each other’s company and can converse about any topic, though granted, the topics these days usually revolve around politics.

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It was one of those evenings you just wish didn’t have to end with dinner.

(Yes, it’s been a while since we’ve been together in the bedroom as well.)

As we made the drive home, I found myself thinking how much I’d love to continue spending our evening together, but like on so many similar occasions, I heard a little voice in my head that said, This has been a wonderful night, don’t spoil it by asking her to have sex with you.

So, we got home, I kissed her goodnight, told her I loved her, and proceeded to the bedroom alone.

As I awoke the following day, and like on so many other occasions previously, I felt that I had once again let another opportunity to be together slip away.

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I just can’t seem to come to grips with this fear that me wanting to extend the evening into the bedroom is going to make her angry. Lately it seems even the mere suggestion of sex is taken in a negative light with her thinking that I simply “want to get laid.

I wish I could make her understand how much more meaningful it is to me.

For me, being with her has never been about “getting laid.” It’s always been about how I feel when we make love because it’s a feeling I can’t quite put into words.

It’s the most amazing feeling of happiness, comfort, fear, exhilaration, pleasure, joy, passion, and love all wrapped up into one amazing package, and it’s so much more than the physical act (as pleasurable as that is); it’s the feeling I get knowing she still wants me and the feeling I get when she holds me in her arms, touches me, and kisses me.

That feeling of being naked (literally) beside her and having her lovingly accept me as I am.

I honestly wish I could convey exactly what that means to me. It’s a feeling that I could never have (nor would I want to) with anyone else.

I’ve always viewed it as the ultimate way to feel connected to her, and I wish I could experience it every single day.

This post originally appeared on the author’s blog.

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Robert

I'm a 50 year old married father of 3 sharing my experiences navigating through the maze of mid-life. Tacking issues about marriage, parenting, career, politics and social injustices in the world. My only guarantee with my writing is honesty. These thoughts and feelings are my own and often very personal but I share so that we can all learn from one another and pay it forward with our experiences and insights.