Sex is not a reward. Ok, let’s be honest, it is and should be rewarding. For us men, it is by far the best thing in the world with nothing else coming a close second.

That said, we must understand that our partners/spouses are in no way obligated to oblige our want or need for it. We should not expect it as a reward for picking up the kids, doing the dishes, laundry, or any other things that are above and beyond the norm.

This took a lot of years for me to accept. I would be like, I don’t normally do the dishes, so when I would do them I would strut around thinking Daddy is getting lucky tonight. And when it wouldn’t happen, I was mad and disappointed. It was immature and selfish.

I expected my wife to reward me with sex because I did something. Woohoo give me some lovin’ cause I washed the windows. It sounds so foolish now.

During those times I would think doesn’t she see what I did for her? Doesn’t she understand I put effort into something to get that sex? When I said that to myself, it clicked one day. We are a partnership. It’s just as much my responsibility to do those things as it is hers. I can’t expect anything not even a thank you. It’s my job as a husband and partner. Especially my job as head of this house.

So I stopped doing things for sex. But I started doing more for the family.

And I’ll be honest, the sex life hasn’t changed. Neither up nor down. But I did. I don’t get angry or have expectations for sex because of what I did. And I find myself wanting to do more for her.

With child number seven on the way, the late-night runs to the store for food have started again. I do that because I love her. Because I am the man and leader.

Men, it’s time to step up and give 100% all the time. Even if there is no sex as a reward.

Quentin Runion

Indiana, terrible husband, okay dad, and excellent Catan player.