Growing up, I didn’t care much for greeting cards. As far I could tell, most other children felt the same, especially upon receiving a gift. I’d gloss over the card and then feverishly tear through the wrapping paper. It was all about the package.

I can remember my mother scolding me for dismissing the card, but I didn’t care. It was just a card—a simple accouterment with no intrinsic value, or so I thought. My mother was always quick to explain otherwise.

That card meant something; I just couldn’t see it then.

Even as an adult, I never fully appreciated the card. I hate to say it, but if it didn’t contain money, it was hard to pique my interest. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the words inside, but it was just easy to move on. It was a convention—something people did just because that’s what people do. The card goes with the gift. Don’t forget the card.

With all the weddings, showers, and other events requiring gifts, my wife often asks me to pick up a card. After dropping $40 on a gift we need a card—another $3.99 plus the effort to find the appropriate verbiage. It always seems like such a burden to then have to fill it out. Obviously monetary gifts require some sort of vessel in which to house the bills, so a card makes sense. Do people even care about the card, though?

I can remember a Seinfeld episode where Jerry received a card from his girlfriend. He read it, but it found its way into the trash not long thereafter. When his girlfriend noticed it atop the garbage pile, she was less than thrilled. She voiced her discontent and stormed off, while Jerry stood there trying to find the right words. He never found them.

Jerry did save his nana’s cards, though, which reminds me of how my grandmother often included handwritten notes with hers. The cards usually included checks but also a small piece of stationery inside, her distinct cursive on the page. They were always brief but thoughtful. Now that I’m older, I can picture her at the dining room table—I see her on the other end of that hand-penned note, thinking of me.

Grandmother’s proclivity for hand-written notes got me thinking about a good friend, and colleague, who also dabbles. At least, that’s how he would put it. As educators, the two of us serve on planning committees aplenty. Whether I’ve subbed for him or just helped with a program or event, I always find a card in my mailbox. It’s there without fail, even when I consider my contributions minimal. He takes the time. Maybe I should, too.

While getting ready for work one morning, I remembered a card I had purchased for my wife. There was no occasion, really. I just thought it would be a nice lift, a bucket-filling moment. I was running later than usual, but I had time. I tiptoed into the bedroom, careful not to wake her and praying the door hinge wouldn’t squeak, and removed the card from my dresser drawer.

After pouring my coffee, I wrote.

The card, itself, was simple: “Miss you . . .” on the front, with a cuddly puppy featured prominently, and “so much” on the inside, with plenty of space for a personalized message. We hadn’t been apart, but with work and the kids, we were, in fact, “missing” each other. I wrote a brief message, sealed it, and leaned it against a vase on the kitchen table.

About an hour later, I received a flurry of texts, peppered with exclamation points and heart emoji. That simple message—written in that 99-cent card—set the tone for her morning. It’s amazing how something so small can be so impactful, and timely. The card was just a vehicle. A sticky note, a 3×5, or a piece of paper would have sufficed. It was the sentiment. It came from me, and it was for her.

As a stay-at-home mother of three, who occasionally works as a substitute teacher, my wife’s days are full. I’m under no delusion as to how much of her attention the kids require.

I know she feels overwhelmed. I know she questions her effectiveness. I know she feels worn.

A simple word of encouragement or acknowledgment of her efforts has immeasurable value—more than I ever realized. It provided a much-needed boost, at a much-needed time.

My mother was right about the card. It’s not something to gloss over or flippantly dismiss. Taking a few moments to physically write a note, especially in a time when texts, emails, and snaps are the norm, says something.

I see it, now.

Those words can permeate. Those words can reassure. Those words can lift. My wife’s response was not a simple “thank you” or “that was sweet”—it was an outpouring of gratitude for seeing her.

Originally published on Her View From Home

Read this too: Three (Other) Little Words That Can Change Your Marriage

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Patrick Danz

Patrick Danz is a follower of Christ, husband, father, educator, and sports enthusiast. He lives in Trenton, Michigan, with his wife, Nicole, and their three children: Keason, Carmella, and Alessandra. When he's not teaching, Patrick spends his time writing, golfing, grilling, and quoting lines from Groundhog Day. His work has appeared on Parent.co and Fatherly.      

To the Woman Navigating Divorce: You Will Get Through This

In: Living, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman with eyes closed standing outside, profile shot

On May 4th, 2023 I was delivered devastating news. My husband no longer loved me, and he wanted to end our marriage. This was the last thing I expected. I tried to get him to work things out, but he was firm on the decision that we were done. My heart broke for my children and what I thought I wanted for my life. As it turns out though, this separation and soon-to-be divorce is probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. It has given me a new appreciation for myself, brought me closer to...

Keep Reading

We Got Married Young and We Don’t Regret It

In: Marriage
Bride and groom in church, color photo

In a world that tells you divorce is inevitable if you get married young, I did the unthinkable: I got married at 22 . . . straight out of college. We had no money and lived off love for the first couple of years in a cheap apartment in the worst part of the city. Black specks came out of our water pipes sometimes. Occasionally we had to take back roads to get to our apartment because police had the nearby roads blocked off for searches. Regardless, we were happy. RELATED: We Married Young and I Don’t Regret it For...

Keep Reading

But God, I Can’t Forgive That

In: Faith, Marriage
Woman holding arms and walking by water

Surrender is scary. Giving in feels like defeat. Even when I know it’s the right thing, yielding everything to God is scary. It also feels impossible. The weight of all I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fear I don’t even recognize it for what it is. Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust. Oh, and then there’s that other thing—pride. Pride keeps me from seeing straight, and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that...

Keep Reading

My Husband Doesn’t Change Dirty Diapers

In: Marriage
Father holding baby

My husband doesn’t change dirty diapers. He hates it. The mere thought of a dirty diaper makes him gag. He will drive almost any bargain to get out of changing a diaper filled with anything stinky. In fact, there are a few things my husband doesn’t do that fall solely on me. If I sat down (okay, sort of like I am right now), I could compile an entire list of things my husband doesn’t do for our family. I could write about everything I do better than him and everything I know more about. But that wouldn’t be fair....

Keep Reading

You Came between Us

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Toddler between mom and dad under sheet

Right in the middle of our deepest love, you came—just between us. A silent, unseen surprise. A mysterious miracle of incarnated love and joy. From that sacred moment that we couldn’t imagine being any sweeter, came you. Sometime in the middle of all the daily goodbye hugs, my stomach began to grow and you came between us. This beautiful bundle of life blossoming right inside of me. And we were in awe of every single tiny formation of you. In awe of who you were, excited by who you’d be, in awe that you were ours. You came between us...

Keep Reading

To My Wife: I See Your Sacrifice

In: Marriage, Motherhood
Family of 3 sitting on floor together at home

Selfless. No other word more clearly depicts your commitment to your family. Motherhood is drastically different than you dreamed of your whole life—the dreams of what sort of mama you would be, of how much you would enjoy being a mother even on the tough days. Since day one of our relationship, you’ve been selfless. Since day one of being a mama, you’ve been selfless. Your love for your family shines through on the brightest and darkest days. But on the dark days, it shines the brightest. I can’t count the hours of sleep sacrificed, the tears cried, the time...

Keep Reading

If You’re Fighting for Your Marriage Right Now, Keep Going

In: Marriage
Couple embracing with worried look on woman's face

My husband and I just celebrated 20 years of marriage last week. For the first five years of our marriage, we had no kids. We now have six. We have been through multiple moves, job changes, pregnancies, miscarriage, child loss, the death of loved ones, grief, three adoptions, mental illness etc. I see marriage totally differently than I did 20 years ago.  I believe, above everything, it takes two people willing to sacrifice and work hard (maybe one more than the other during different seasons) in order for the marriage to stay afloat. Marriage, if done right, does not puff one up...

Keep Reading

“I Can’t Do This Anymore,” He Said—Then Everything Changed

In: Living, Marriage
Woman with head in hands

The questions are very much valid. Did I know when I married him? Did I know when we struggled with infertility and trying to become parents? Did I know when we unexpectedly became pregnant with our second child? When did you know your husband was an alcoholic? The answer is simple yet so complex, I pretty much knew from the first year, yet I was in complete denial. When I met him, he was just my type—a bad boy with a bad reputation, yet so cute! On our third date or so, I saw how much he could drink and how...

Keep Reading

She Left Him on Valentine’s Day

In: Faith, Marriage
Husband kissing wife on cheek, color photo

“Can you believe that?” Those were the dreaded knife-cutting whispers I heard from across the table. I sunk deeper into my chair. My hopes fell as everyone would forever remember that I had left my fiancée on Valentine’s Day. Maybe one day it would just dissipate like the dream wedding I had planned or the canceled plane tickets for the Hawaiian honeymoon. Some bridesmaids and guests had already booked plane tickets. It was my own nightmare that kept replaying in my head over and over again. I had messed up. Big time. To be honest, if it made any difference,...

Keep Reading

I Want More than Mediocre Love

In: Marriage
Man and woman holding hands facing away from each other, silhouette

It felt like an out-of-body experience as I watched my fingers type into the Google search bar, “Local divorce lawyers near me.” I just want to know my options. Yet, my heart pounded as realized I was halfway serious in considering a divorce. There was no betrayal, no abuse, no lying, or cheating. My husband was and is a good man. The truth was he did not do anything wrong, I was just convinced he was doing nothing right. We were in the thick of life with a new baby, and I was certain that the man I loved was...

Keep Reading