Imagine you got the call on Tuesday.

Imagine you’re at the park with your family, watching your toddler scamper around the playground while you sit next to your wife on the bench with the baby.

Imagine your sweet little girl’s delighted shrieks as you get up to chase her, giving her a few seconds’ headstart before scooping her up with a big Daddy roar and lots of tickles.

Imagine you almost didn’t hear your phone ring over the sound of her giggles.

You look down at the screen, and you see the number’s from work. Your heart sinks, because you’re on leave.

There’s only one reason they’re calling you.

By Friday, your bag is packed with gear and ammo and hopefully some extra socks and underwear, and at the last minute, you find a neighbor to watch the kids so your wife can drive you to base at 0445 to get on a plane with 3500 others.

This never gets easier, no matter how many times you’ve had to do it. You hug her tight, resting your chin on the top of her head and trying to commit her smell to memory.

It’s hard to meet her eyes because if you see her lose it, you might, too.

After the hardest goodbye you’ll ever have (because every goodbye like this is the hardest one you’ll ever have), you might go in and choke down some lukewarm scrambled eggs and oatmeal and sausage. The boxes of donuts remind you of Sundays at home.

Maybe you sit a moment at the back of the base chapel, if you’re the praying type.

Eventually, they call the order. You get up, you grab your weapon and your kit, and you get in line. You march out the door single file, into the cold January wind.

And you get on that plane.

You have no idea how long you’re going for. You have no clue when you’ll be back. No one back home knows where you’re going.

Imagine—less than a week ago, you were sitting at the park with your family. You can almost hear your baby girl laughing over the roar of the engines of the C-17.

At the end of the day,

You’re just doing the job you were called to do.

Politics don’t matter.

Party doesn’t matter.

You don’t want to argue about it, and you don’t care about the opinions of strangers on the internet.

You just want to hear your children laugh again, and all you can do is hope and pray you get the chance to.

Imagine you got the call on Tuesday.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Emily Solberg

Emily Solberg is a soldier, military spouse, mom of two, and fierce advocate of women supporting women. The goal of her writing is to help others feel less alone in their parenting journeys, and she isn’t afraid to share the hard parts of her own. You can find more from her over on Facebook and Instagram at Shower Arguments with Emily Solberg.

I Struggled With My Son’s Diagnosis, But Found Hope in the Special Needs Community

In: Fatherhood, Tough Times

When I found out I was going to be a father I was beyond excited. My wife and I had been trying to conceive for years before she got pregnant. So, when she told me I was going to be a father I wanted to shout it to the rooftops! I made sure to call my wife every day at work to make sure she ate lunch. I’m sure I annoyed the heck out of her. We later found out that we were having a boy, and started to plan everything. We started to paint the baby room with blues...

Keep Reading

People Don’t Know How to Deal With Those Who Are Grieving

In: Tough Times

Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. Grandparents. Friends. Friends of the Family. Dad. Wife. I’ve known loss. If you are reading this, chances are you have, too. For all the many, many wakes and funerals I have been to, one thing has continuously occurred to me. The wake is so much easier than the funeral. When I sit back and think about why that is, I can only come to one conclusion: support. There is so much support at a wake. At least in my circle of love, they usually last over six hours and the room is usually filled to near capacity....

Keep Reading

Dear Husband: It’s OK to Be Depressed, But You Can’t Ignore it

In: Marriage, Tough Times

Dear husband, we need to have a real conversation. You are the first to admit that lately things have changed for you. Things that used to be simple for you suddenly feel impossible and require so much energy. Getting out of bed is hard. It feels so much better to stay in bed and avoid it all. Tackling household projects and chores just feels like too much. So, you ignore them. Taking care of yourself by eating healthy and exercising doesn’t sound appealing at all. But, boy, do chips and salsa, brownies, and sitting on the couch sound like comfort....

Keep Reading

Don’t Miss the Chance to Tell Your Mom You Love Her

In: Fatherhood, Tough Times

This is my Mom. Well, that’s her in the mid-1960s. But that’s her—that little girl, full of life. Before life started happening. Before traumas. Before abuses. Before a turbulent adolescence. Before an unplanned kid (me). Before an abusive relationship. Before navigating her way through an era, and in an area, where having three kids and being unwed was frowned upon and judged. Before working two full-time jobs to feed us—one a 3rd-shift factory job, and the other a day job as an administrative assistant at the local college. Before she got the day job, she worked full-time and went to...

Keep Reading

I Was an Addict. Thanks to God, I Have My Life Back.

In: Faith, Tough Times

“There’s something wrong with Daddy.” That’s what rock bottom sounds like. I thought he was too little to notice. I couldn’t fool my wife, my brother, my boss, myself, but I thought he was too little to notice. Alone on a couch at 3:00 in the morning, desperate to stop shaking, desperate to slow the racing anxiety, desperate to die and be done with it all. That’s what rock bottom feels like. RELATED: Dax Shepard’s Relapse Reminds Us Recovery is a Daily Process My wife had banished me to that couch. She was angry but she didn’t do that out...

Keep Reading

A Letter to My Wife’s Anxiety: You Will Never Win

In: Marriage, Tough Times

Your name gets thrown around a lot in our current social clime. Anxiety. Everything gives people anxiety now. We never heard your name 20 years ago, and now you’re one of the most frequently discussed health disorders in history. Some people swear you don’t exist, and that’s how I know you’re the damn devil. People who don’t necessarily feel you don’t seem to grasp—no, some don’t even believe—that you warrant any merit. That’s because to them, you’re just that. A feeling. For those that simply “feel anxiety” in a situational context, you can be stomached and put away until that...

Keep Reading

To My Son With Autism: You Will Not Be Stopped

In: Fatherhood, Tough Times

Kash, It’s been over four years since your mom and I found out we were going to have a baby. I remember when she told me. I was excited, but I was freaking out too. I always wanted a son or daughter. That was what I was excited about. I was nervous, because of the troubles your mother and I had trying to have a baby. We had miscarriages, and we had done testing. We did not know if having a child was in the cards for us. You changed all that. We found out we were going to have...

Keep Reading

Dear Husband: I Love You, But Please Don’t Ever Drink Again

In: Marriage, Tough Times

Right now you are curled up behind me like a cuddly question mark. Your body heat is more than enough to suppress the slight chill in the air. Just a few memories ago, the bed was cold with me lying alone in it. You were out somewhere drinking. Or maybe you were just drunk in the next room. Either way, I was alone. Right now the oven timer is going off. It’s late but I have Amish bread to pull out of the oven. I sidle away from you out of bed and into the dimly lit kitchen. The whole...

Keep Reading

Hilarious New Ryan Reynolds Ad Nails 2020

In: Tough Times, Work

FINALLY, the commercial that 2020 deserves. Celebrity star Ryan Reynolds and his production company, Maximum Effort, have teamed up with dating service Match.com and pop icon Taylor Swift to make a commercial for the dating service that perfectly captures everything relatable and frankly, hellish, about 2020. Honestly, it doesn’t matter if you’re married or single, I promise you everyone can find something relatable about this hilarious spin on our collective suffering. The commercial, aptly titled “Match Made In Hell,” begins with Satan (Aaron Reed) hanging out in hell looking totally bored when his phone starts buzzing, notifying him he’s matched with...

Keep Reading

I’ll Always Miss My Dad, But I Hear From Him Every Christmas

In: Fatherhood, Tough Times

I picked up the phone to call my dad the other day. I was thinking about my car insurance bill, and wanted to ask him something. This wouldn’t be that unusual for most people, except my father passed away almost 15 years ago. I think I’ve been through 10 cell phones since he died, so his number is long erased, yet I hit the button for Siri on my phone and stated “Call Dad” like it was completely normal. Every December, my dad comes back to my thoughts with the force of a wrecking ball through my mind. It may...

Keep Reading